“It was like being at one of our retreats except without God in it….It was all a lot of fun but being surrounded by crosses and godly stuff everywhere and not hearing a mention of God just felt sooo weird.” — My daughter’s first encounter with the outside world.
Having spent the last 14 years in Catholic school, fully immersed in every peer ministry group and activity they had to offer, as the ever-willing, participation-craving soul she is, she has, by all accounts, as far as faith goes, been sheltered. No doubt about it.
Although her public university experience began a couple of months ago, it wasn’t until just recently when she attended an out of town three-day program geared to help freshmen transition to college that she felt initiated into the secular world. This school program happens to have taken place on a beautiful property used mainly for Christian retreats (although available to most institutions), which houses religious objects throughout and which setting is very much conducive to an atmosphere of worship. So the experience of sharing with her peers in this kind of environment was familiar to her she said, but the omission of “The Word” was a shocking eye-opener that caused her some concern, judging from her comments at the dinner table that night upon her return. “I gotta find something to do Mommy, something that will keep me involved, I don’t wanna lose this.” “This” meaning her faith groove, her “sport” as she once termed it. “It was like something was missing Mommy,” she said. “Yes mama,” I told her, “You’re not in Kansas anymore.”
Minutes later heartburn set in as my inner chatter began: Have we, have I, instilled in her the essentials for her to continue on her “walk” and see her “sport” through? Because I know it’s been easy for her up to now this faith business. Faith comes so much easier while in its respective environment – where the ingredients to fuel the presence of God are facilitated. Now take away the artifacts, the rallies, the godly atmosphere, take away all those familiar props, and knock, knock, Doubt’s at the door.
But survival of her faith is just one of my concerns. Today I realize that one of the hardest challenges we are faced with as parents is to let go when the time calls for it. More specifically where our daughter is concerned, allowing her certain freedoms; loosening the grip and slowly letting go of the rope; not hovering; trying not to be one of those helicopter parents I’ve read about, and in the process trusting God a whole lot during this transition to a new chapter of her life…of our lives…while time seems to be on warp drive.
“Where has time gone?” a friend asked me just yesterday. “I don’t know,” I said, “but I’ve stopped looking for it.” I’ve stopped because it makes me too melancholic. Watching our little girl blossom right before our eyes and craving her independence like this, while undoubtedly a beautiful thing, is taking nevertheless some serious adjusting. Did I say serious? Yeah if I had a habit I was trying to quit – smoking, drinking, nail-biting – this would definitely be the wrong time. But I don’t, so instead I’ve resorted to chanting “Heart of Jesus I trust in thee” throughout my day. Seriously though, a lot of prayer is involved.
Still, difficult as this adjusting business is, we want to give her a chance to learn how to maneuver on her own outside her comfort zone; to use her values as her compass to navigate the rough waters of today’s evils. But does she have what it takes? Will she reap what we sowed? And did we plant the right seeds? Did we plant respect, good manners, work ethic, family values? Did we plant time? Belief? And have we taught her how to plant her own seeds? We sure hope so. God knows we’ve tried.
I know the job of instilling spiritual fruit in our children is never-ending. We’ve scattered these seeds and now we pray they take…especially now that she’s not in Kansas anymore. And we wait and see because as someone once said, we cannot sow and reap the same day. But can I tell you that this waiting for the harvest is nerve-racking? Yes, I apologize in advance, especially to you my family and friends…for my erratic frame of mind…thank you for your patience.
Oh, and did I mention our son turns 15 today…and will now drive? [GULP].
If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
My dear friend,
I am most certain that the proper seeds have been planted and that they will harvest quite well. You are now going through the fear but a huge sense of pride will shortly evolve.
Now you will see her bloom and walk her journey with God where in turn she will plant seeds in others. It is when she starts planting those seeds that you will see the fruits of your labor.
You have great kids.
Love you,
Luisa
Thank you Luisa for your vote of confidence and your words of wisdom. : )
I have the same concerns that you do. As you know, we can instill in them our Faith, but Faith is a gift, freely given and freely received. I guess we have to really trust in the Holy Spirit… I can only refer to my own experience. 13 years in Catholic schools and coming from a practicing Catholic home, then finding myself living on my own at 18. I messed up, more than I’d like to admit or want to remember, but somehow that seed germinated eventually, on its own and when I was an adult. Heck, this old tree is still growing branches! I guess what I’m saying is what you already know. Ray and you watered and cared for the plant so that it would grow deep roots, now we gotta trust in the Lord. Easier said that done, right? I’ll be there soon, heck! I’m already there in a sense, since Steph has a boyfriend… quite unnerving to me, since I was 16 once…duh. My prayers are with you and the family in this new stage. In Christ, Panchi
Thanks Panchi for your comments and prayers. I am grateful.
C.
Well my friend, you did it again. You spoke directly to me as you have so many times in your posts. As I sit here wiping tears from face I thank God for you, my family, my friends, and of course Him. Like I said before, I’m an emotional basket case thinking that my baby girl is a Senior soon to encounter this great big world and like you I wonder, is she ready? How will she react when those surrounding her are not as faith filled as her and those she surrounds herself with today? My friend, our job is done so to speak. Now we reap and yes, pray constantly for their safety, well being, and that they make the right choices and decisions. But if they don’t, we are always there for them and they have that safety net to fall back on. I feel like I’m on the sidelines of a football game without being able to call the plays so I should go back into the locker room and figure out other plays to put in motion. I guess its time to nurture those relationships that I let fall behind a little because I was so busy with “The kids”. Time to nurture it with my mom, give my hubby a little more TLC than usual, and reach out to friends and family I haven’t been able to for all these years. The silver lining maybe? And like you and Luisa said, wait and watch to see the fruits our labor. And to boot, Danny gets his permanent license in 2 mos. Pray for me!! Luv u,
Monica
It is so awesome to raise a child the righteous Godly way. She knows her path and so will Danny. You and Ray have done a good job because you have had our good Lord always by your side, giving him the priority and glory. Happy 15th Birthday to Danny … love you, Connie
Marie
Mon, you are so right the time is upon us to re-focus….and spread our love. : )
Lots of prayers going out your way my friend.
My friend,
Very nicely put. We are in the same boat…so glad it’s not sinking and so (even more) glad we get to exchange stories! Luv ya
Me too girl, me too. Luv ya back.
Took me a while to make a comment, kind of digesting everything you wrote. I feel like you are a few steps ahead of me, but not too far, actually, given how quickly time flies. I’ve always felt that you reap what you sow, yes, but you often question yourself as a parent, whether you’ve sowed enough. And I guess that where our faith comes in. And although at times it falters, or seems to, it’s always there. And I think that’s what you’ve instilled in Lauren and of course Danny. I think that seed of faith never ceases to grow and as long as it’s there, will always be a source of comfort for her. Although she is now not surrounded by a “godly” atmosphere, she will always carry God within her. And no money in the world can buy that. Congrats on a job well done. Pray that I can do the same – four times. God help me.
Thanks for your comments Tuti. I agree with you, and hope and pray that that will be the case with our children, that no matter where they find themselves, they’ll carry God inside. You have your hands full with your four no doubt. You will continue to be in my prayers as always. : )
“I’ve resorted to chanting ‘Heart of Jesus I trust in thee’ throughout my day.” That is my mantra many a day. Ah, amiga, you write so beautifully. Crying and laughing while reading this. No doubt you and Ray have planted the right seeds and now you will see them blossom. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by all the crazy in the world, I think of you guys and am reminded there ARE good, solid, true, faith-based families still in existence. Lauren is a truly special child, as is birthday boy Danny. Birthday brownies whenever you can make a B&N run. Blessings to you and your beautiful familia … although I still say Danny CANNOT be 15, as we are still in 20s!
Thank you Amiga, your friendship is one of my blessings. Just say when and I’ll make that B&N run. : )
WOW! This really hits home, as usual. You and your posts are truly a blessing to me. Geez, Danny 15, and driving. Kenny’s 13 and right behind him — I’m trying to start preparing myself now. Kristen’s 18 and starting her 3rd year of college (due to her dual enrollment) so she’s 2 yrs ahead of all but a couple of her friends. But now comes the “real” college experience. No matter how difficult it is, we have to put them in God’s hands. I have to remind myself of this everytime she gets in her car and drives off… You and Ray have done an awesome job so don’t EVER doubt that! P.S. Happy Birthday Danny!
Thanks Sandy. Put them in God’s hands we must.